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A Weird Day

February 19, 2013

It happened again. I woke up in a funk. I just couldn’t do it today. I couldn’t get out of bed. The usual internal dialogue didn’t work for me. So, I called in sick. Actually, I texted in sick. I stayed in bed almost all day and watched a series on Netflix. I steamed some broccoli and ate some lunch. Finally around 2pm I got up, took a shower, washed my hair and decided to get out and get some coffee. As I rode my bike downtown, a van rode past me. The young man driving looked at me and yelled out, “I love you.” That made me smile.

As I rode up to the coffee shop I could hear live music. Wilson Savoy was outside playing with some students. Nice. I got a latte and sat next to a woman and listened. The woman and I quickly struck up an easy conversation. She was from San Diego. Just moved to St. Martinville. We talked easily and openly for a while, listening to the music. She shared her experiences, good, bad and ugly, of culture shock and south Louisiana. A couple joined us. They were from Austen. They listened happily to the music.

I tried to teach my new friend the two-step but quickly realized I was trying to do it to a waltz. A major faux pas for a native. So I broke into the waltz instead. If Pickle had been with me she would have dominated the conversation and the dancing. I felt like an ignorant student trying to be an expert.

Of course being out in the beautiful weather, talking to new people and listening to live music put me in a better mood, though it may not have changed my brain chemistry. It did remind me that I need to do what I know I should do when I feel down: Get up, get dressed and go out. I guess I just couldn’t face my windowless office today.

When I was riding over I wondered, “What gives some people drive and ambition and why don’t I have it?” I was talking to Pickle last night. I told her I had this urge to go off and do something drastic, something crazy like move overseas and volunteer or work. If I were ever to do something like that, now would be the time. I have nothing holding me down. I could leave everything right now.

I don’t think I will do anything like that. I don’t think I have it in me. I’m missing something that others have. I wish I was different. I wish I was someone else. And that’s what’s fucked up about brain chemistry. That last sentence.

Sigh.

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From → Rantings

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