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No. 6: Part 1: Asking For What I Want

April 15, 2013

“I’m going to ask someone on a date.” Pickle announced to me a few weeks ago.

“Really? Who?” I asked.

“Oh. I don’t know who yet. I’ve just decided that I’m going to ask someone out.” she laughed.

A few weeks later and she’s officially “dating” someone. She’s been on a whopping four dinner dates! Dinner dates. Not, “What time do you have to get up in the morning?” late night texts. Dinner! Not accidental hook-ups after a night of drinking and dancing. Dinner! She asked someone out. He took her to dinner and repeated the act three more times.

Of course, there’s a catch. He hasn’t even kissed her yet. I know, right? Says he wants to be “sure.” Uh-huh. Well, we’ll see how this one turns out. In the meantime I was impressed with what Pickle did. She decided what she wanted. She declared it and she went out and got it. OK. Can I do that?


I took pictures at this year’s HOLI festival and posted them on the event facebook page. A day later I was barraged with facebook requests from a plethora of Indian boys. I had a whole day of messaging and chatting with Indians. I was in heaven. Based on what I saw at HOLI, there’s not much talent there and they seem very young. Nevertheless, I enjoyed the attention and welcomed this new network of friends. As a few of them attempted to flirt with me, it was clear that some were better at it than others. One of them chided me for not including him in my photography from that day. He turned out to be capable of intelligent discourse and a little research found him to be quite cute. Nevertheless, I took none of this flirting seriously as it was going nowhere.

And going nowhere seems to be a pattern when it comes to relations with the opposite sex. It’s been over a year that I’ve been at this game. I moved on from the giddy girl who didn’t know how to be around men and couldn’t imagine having casual sex. I’ve owned up to being a grown woman who can do what she wants and ask for what she needs. But my interactions seem to still be superficial. I want more. I’m ready for the next level.

I thought about Pickle. She asked for what she wanted and got it. I thought about what I wanted. I wanted more than texts and chance encounters and weekend hook-ups. I wanted to be asked out to dinner. While I was walking in the park I considered my options and decided to be proactive right then and there. Who werethe possibilities?

1. No. 5 (FWB). He can’t give me what I need and was clear about what he wanted. But, he did contact me mid-week promising to send me a link to a Sade video. An unusual move for him. I texted him back asking for the link.

2. A musician I’ve danced with a few times. He’s cute. I like him. I could go there. He asked for my number a week ago. We had a conversation about places to get a good haircut. I texted him, relaying my recent experience at a salon downtown.

3. One of the Indian boys started a facebook chat with me just as I was contemplating this dilemma. But I’m not sure I like him. He’s weird looking and awkward in his conversation style.

4. The one I do like. Let’s call him Z (aka, No. 6). I decided to initiate a conversation with him. He teaches, so I started with that. “Hey Z. So, what do you teach.”

So, there I was walking around the trail at Girard Park, texting and facebook chatting with four different guys. The first one ended quickly as expected. With a funny reference to a British comedy, No. 5 sent me the link. I watched it. I texted him a comment. No reply. That was that.

I went back and forth with the second guy about hair salons. It didn’t last long. He didn’t segue into something more. Shut it down.

Meanwhile the Splat Pack awakened and Pickle and Lapin invited me to join them for dinner at Pickle’s house.

The third one, the Indian boy, started asking me very strange questions via Facebook chat. What did I think about second and third marriages? What did I think about people over 40 getting married? He has no idea how old I am or that I am divorced. I gave a response asserting that I thought anyone should be able to do whatever the fuck they want to whenever the fuck they want to, in more polite terms of course. I lost interest in that line of conversation and shut him down.

Z on the other hand was holding my interest. He asked a lot of questions. He was flirting effectively. He asked out-of-the-blue questions like, “If you could have any super power, what would it be.” He was impressed with my answers which were of course were in essay form. By the time I drove up to Pickle’s I was still talking to him.

“I’m going to drink your beer while I talk to Indian boys.” I told her as I walked in the door, iPhone in hand.

“OK.” she said and I sat on her couch with a beer, typing away.

Z and I continued to talk about many things. He asked more weird questions which I found amusing and entertaining. He asked for my number. He changed the medium from facebook to texting. He asked if I like Indian food. Then, he asked me to dinner. Wow. I was sitting in Pickle’s living room with Lapin. I got up triumphantly and said, “Dinner invitation! I got an actual invitation to dinner!” High fives all around. That was only the second dinner invitation I’ve gotten since becoming single almost a year and a half ago. OK. Not bad. I asked for what I wanted and I got it.

Then, I politely asked his age without confessing mine.


Ka-Damn. Sigh.

Well, he asked me to dinner which is more than I can say for the supposed grown men who have seemed interested in me. So, he gets a chance.

He tried to guess my age. 28. Ha. Based on facebook photos. That’s a stretch. This is going to be interesting.

We continued to chat throughout the evening until I said goodnight and went to bed.

The next day he sent me a text message with coffee cups made of characters saying,

“Let’s have some hot coffee now. Good morning.”

OK. Sweet. I think. A bit much? Maybe? Reminds me of Syrian Doctor before our first date. Huh.

So, here we go. A new character to explore. New ways of being. New adjustments. New decisions. New lessons.

The defining of Kitten through experimentation with men.

Did I mention he’s Indian? Did I mention he’s 24.

God help me.


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