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“Maybe Tomorrow I’ll Be Happy”–A Found Artifact

May 1, 2013

I found a page from a small note book. Scrawled in small, badly written felt tip pen ink was the following:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

maybe tomorrow

8-1-2011

maybe tomorrow I’ll be happy

no-no chance

42-my life is over

my marriage is broken

more damage every day

trapped-can’t even leave to go to Dads or Michaels

trying to survive ea day

need counseling  -can’t have it

everything is money

can’t spend any money

eating breakfast at Hub City

huge luxury – big treat to myself

feel a little guilty

if B knew–would he criticize me for it

–no plan of action–dejected

should I be strong and defiant and resist

should I comply and support and wait

—-wait until when—-

March of last year I said I would wait until March of 2012

It’s August 2011 now—-8 months away

lay low–retract into self—stay out of way—-communicate by e-mail only

I know better than this.

I know who I am!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I can’t even write how I feel, reading this note….this little artifact of what I once was. The emotions overwhelm me.

Gratitude, I think is the first one.

Disbelief.

Shock.

Sadness.

“maybe tomorrow I’ll be happy”

Shit!

“I know better than this. I know who I am.”

There it is. There’s the girl who packed the bag and walked out the door. Thank God!

the note I found

 

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From → Rantings

2 Comments
  1. You have been nominated for a Versatile Blogger Award! More details here:
    http://deprifun.wordpress.com/2013/05/20/versatile-blogger-award/

  2. Kitten permalink

    Wow. Thanks Amara. I appreciate that.

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