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Mimi’s Pee

August 2, 2013

I was exhausted when I got home from work today. I ate something and changed into my walking clothes. I didn’t want to go. But I knew what would happen. I knew I would feel great as soon as I started peddling my bike through campus.

The red gravel crunched under my feet as my music filled my ears. I walked slowly at first. I was tired. They keep the temperature at work low all the time. Museums. By the time evening comes along, the intense heat of July in Louisiana feels wonderful. I was smiling and feeling good. I started to think about him. He sent me a message today, “Are you at work?”
When I replied, “Yes,” he wrote, “Let the seduction begin.”
He flirts with me while I’m at work on purpose because he knows I’ll blush. I sit there trying to work with a smirk on my face. I have to cut the conversations short so I can work with a straight face. I was thinking about the things he said to me as I walked. I was imagining what it will be like when we are finally face to face again. My imagination was telling me stories worthy of the corniest of romantic movies. I was enjoying the fantasy.

Then I got a text message alert. I looked at my phone. It was from Vivian.
“I need u to come and get mimi, i can not take care of her any more”

And the bubble was burst. I got upset. My heart rate rose. My peace of mind cracked and started to fall apart.

Mimi is my French Bulldog. Actually she’s my Dad’s French Bulldog now. I had her in tow when I left my husband and escaped to my Dad’s. By the time I was renting a room in Lafayette, Dad had fallen in love with her and claimed ownership. Fine by me. I didn’t really want a dog anymore. Dad has two other dogs. Vivian brought her own dog with her when she took her turn escaping to Dad’s. That makes a total of four small dogs in the big house. But Mimi is high strung and pees on the floor, like inbreeds do. She had tried to guilt me about this on my last visit. She barked at me about how SHE HAD to take care of MY dog. Always the victim. Add Mimi to the list of her oppressors.

My reaction wasn’t even about the stupid dog. It was the way she attempted to communicate. Barking out an order in a text message. Telling me what to do. No attempt at a civilized conversation. No phone call.

I reverted back to the little girl who looked up to her like she was a goddess. I remembered how close we once were. How I thought nothing could ever come between us. Even when she was in jail, our friendship never faltered.

I walked in a panic. I was taking it personally. I was reacting out of fear. I tried to calm down. I walked and breathed slowly and deliberately. I called my brother. Like so many times before, I recovered my peace of mind, one lap among the oak trees at a time.

Why did that one stupid text bother me so much? It was like the moment I realized my relationship with my husband was really over. There was really no hope left. It was long after we had both resigned to the divorce. My hope clung to the idea of at least a friendship with him for a long time. I probably came to know it was over in a similar way….a terse e-mail or angry text. That’s what I felt when I saw that text from Vivian. It’s really over. She’s gone. I don’t know who she is and I can’t have any relationship with her. It was just the latest in a long line of aggressive attacks, emotional outbursts and lies.

I couldn’t decide what to do. How to respond. Finally I decided, I’m not going to respond at all. I don’t deserve to be talked to that way. I don’t do that anymore. Whether Mimi stays at Dad’s or not is between Dad and I. Who is cleaning up her pee is between Vivian and Dad.

I don’t know what I’m going to do about Mimi. I guess I’ll try to talk to Dad and find out if he needs me to find her another home. I know I’ve lost my sister. And that’s a shame.

By the time I was biking home from my walk, I heard that little noise that tells me I have a facebook message. I knew better than to try to see it on my phone because…as I think we can all agree…the facebook app SUCKS!!!! But I knew who it was. I got home, sat in front of my computer and allowed the seduction to continue. I was smiling again.

Years ago, I pitched an idea for a grant to teach art to kids in a shelter. I said something like this: We know that every bad thing done to a child affects them tremendously and has long-term consequences. Isn’t the same true for positive things in their lives? Why not bring a little art, creativity and acceptance into these kids’ lives. It might have long lasting effects.

Today, I had a few seconds of negativity thrown at me and it threw me for a loop. It knocked me off my balance. But then I got sibling camaraderie, friendship, love and some heavy flirting from the other side of the world.

Anger-1
Joy-100

I win!

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From → Rantings

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