Skip to content

To or not to

March 8, 2014

My first date was in 1985. That relationship produced my first child when I was 18.  I met my second boyfriend in 1988. We were married for 21 years. When I was young, online dating didn’t exist. There were chat rooms and people had begun to meet through forums of common interests. My ex-husband’s best friend met her husband through a music-chat room. Still, on-line dating had a certain stigma to it. It wasn’t main stream. It wasn’t something “normal.”

I entered single life in 2011. Online dating seemed out of the question. Something other people did. I believed in fate. In destiny. I was simply going to meet my next soul mate because the universe would send him my way.

It’s 2014. He hasn’t shown up. I’ve had a few dates. I’ve kissed. I’ve flirted. I had a one-night-stand. A friend and I engaged in benefits. I’ve even fallen in love……….with a man twenty years my junior. Not sustainable.

After consulting with a life coach for a few months about finding a decent job, I started to see parallels between dating and job hunting. So, I had the idea that we could focus on my dating life, or lack thereof. When she asked if I had consider sites like I balked. “Why not?” she asked.

“I have this idea in my head. I have a vision of what the man I want to be with is like. And I don’t think he’s the kind of person to be on,” I told her.

She gave me a telling look and asked, “What kind of person do you think is on”

She called me out. I was being a snob about online dating.

Since then, I’ve been asking people about it and doing some research. The information I’ve gathered is all over the place.

It’s a lot of upkeep. Daily messages. Who to respond to, who not to. Checking messages, leaving messages, notifications. It’s a lot of work. If you’re the kind of person who can’t stand to see those little red circles, saying you have an unread message, it can become an obsession.

Others say it’s a waste of time. It’s just people trying to hook up.

One of the articles I read was written by a man who posed as a woman on for less than a day. He was trying to prove that women have it easier than men getting dates. Within just an hour he was bombarded with disgusting proposals and sexist attitudes. He left the site disgusted with the way men treat women.

Do I want that kind of energy in my life on a daily basis? Is that how I want to spend my time?

Then I thought about all the ways I should be spending my extra time. Painting. Writing. Working on the massive to-do list that’s gathering cobwebs. Maybe I should make those things a priority before I spend all my time looking at online profiles.

Then there are the happy stories. The perfect couples, blissfully married who met through an online dating site. Liz’s friend is one of those people. I met the couple one night when they were in town. There she was, an amazing, accomplished, beautiful, stylish woman with a handsome, funny, smart, age-appropriate, pilot husband. I looked at him and thought, “Damn. If that’s the kind of man who’s on, maybe I should give it a try.”

So, I shed my outdated attitude about the endeavor. But I’m still not ready. Work is too crazy and the to-do list mocks me.

Maybe I’ll give fate one more chance. I turn 45 in June. Maybe I’ll give fate until June to send me my perfect match. If fate fails me, I’ll try online dating.

If nothing else it’ll give me something to write about.


From → Rantings

  1. is certainly an endeavor that has it’s ups and downs. In my opinion, a participant has to strengthen their “read through the shit” meter and make sure they take NOTHING personally…until you develop a relationship – which doesn’t come after weeks of “email pen-palling” or a few face to face dates. It’s dating on crack, everyone seems to think you “KNOW” them after ‘chatting’ a few weeks off and on and some men find it impossible to go without discerning your sexual prowess before they even commit to seeing your face – regardless of how “beautiful” they assert you are before they’ve met you! lol
    It’s definitely not for the weak of spirit…but it can offer you some laughs at the absurdity and hope at the possibilities…so long as you can avoid the disappointment of the rejection. I wish you luck! 🙂

    • Kitten permalink

      Thanks for the comments. We’ll see if I go through with it. Look forward to online dating blogs.


  2. Once you get your ta’ do list managed, you really should consider it. DSB and I met online and truly feel like we are well-matched. Love really is out there, on the Internet! 😀

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: