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The One Week Relationship: The Match Disaster

January 14, 2015

Wednesday, January 7

I arrived at Pamplona and immediately recognized Mr. Gray Hair at the bar. I was early which meant he was early. I was immediately unimpressed. He was frumpy and goofy. We introduced ourselves and I ordered the house red. His gestures were animated and femine. I thought he might be gay, not that there’s anything wrong with that. He wore a big, loose, orange-ish sweater and light blue jeans. I couldn’t see, but I’m fairly sure his pants had an elastic waistband.

His Match profile picture was more flattering, especially given his mannerisms. I knew within minutes it was a bust. I was both happy about that and annoyed at the prospect of having to make an evening out of talking to him. Amy trickled in and Liz was late. I tried to make conversation and balance the decency of polite attention with the avoidance of any remote sign of interest.

My anthropologist friend had taught me well. The folded arms, the chair and body facing straight ahead, never leaning to far towards him. I smiled and asked and answered questions and waited for the minutes to go by.

“So were you the popular girl in school? The cheerleader? The athelete.”

“No.” I answered.

The bartender ventured a rare interjection. “Marie was none of the above,” he laughed.

I navigated this conversation while an internal voice was telling me, I’d rather be with Lennon Glasses. I wish I was with him now. I wish we were watching movies and drinking wine on his sofa. What am I doing here?

Liz joined the conversation and helped pass the time.

“So how’m I doin'” Mr. Gray shouted out. “I feel like I’m in the tar pits here.”

Oh good God in Heaven, I thought.

He asked me some weird question that I didn’t want to answer.

“Oh, come on!” he bellowed. “You can be irreverent with me. I’m very irreverent.”

After more prodding I looked over at him and said, “I don’t respond well to pressure.”

Liz admonished me rather openly. “What are you doing?” she asked.

I looked at her, “What? I don’t want to answer the question.” I said. I looked at Mr. Gray and back at Liz and Amy.

“Is it weird in here? Did it just get weird in here?”

“Yes,” Amy said emphatically.

Liz and I met in the bathroom. “What the fuck is that?!” I asked.

“Yeah, I think I got that one wrong,” she admitted.

“Oh boy!” I said. “I kind of want to call Lennon Glasses right now.”

“Really?” she asked. “Why,” questioning my motives.

“I just want to see him right now.”



Finally, the staff was cleaning up and we began to gesture towards a departure.

“Well,” Mr. Gray called out, “What’s it gonna be? Do I get another date?”

I was so embarrassed. I didn’t know what to say. I suggested we go outside and let the staff do their work. He posed the question again.

“I don’t know,” I cowardly answered. “What do you think?”

“I’d like to talk with you again,” he said, speaking as if he were an actor in a play and not standing right next to me. “I just want you to be honest with me.”

“Ok,” I said. “I just don’t feel any connection between us.”

“Alright then! See, that wasn’t so bad.”

We said goodnight and I had my phone out before I was in the driver’s seat. I knew he would up.

“Hi. You awake? Can I come over for a minute?”

to be continued….


From → Rantings

  1. iammarcello permalink

    “I knew within minutes it was a bust” – brilliant

  2. Waiting with bated breath…

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