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My Washer & Dryer

August 25, 2015

Not long before Mr. K & I moved back to Lafayette, we bought a new washer and dryer. Top of the line. The washing machine has a huge, cavernous, silver tub with no agitator sticking up in the middle. It weighs the laundry you put in and only uses enough water to clean that load. I love that washer and dryer. I obtained custody of them in the divorce and moved them into the house I was staying in.

When I moved out to occupy my little #5, I left them there. I made a deal with George: free, unlimited use of the washer & dryer in exchange for electricity and water costs. His house is not far from #5 so it works out ok……….except, George is a slob. He doesn’t cut the grass. The house is always disgusting. When it’s laundry time, I pull up next to the giant weeds spilling over the sidewalk, wade my way through the brush, past the pile of cigarette buds and various hoarder’s treasures. I open the door and walk through dust, ignore dishes piled in the sink and the disaster visible in the bedroom. I step over tools or clothes or trash and access my beautiful washer and dryer, kept internally spotless from usage.

This Sunday, I desperately needed to do laundry. I was exhausted. I had just worked an extra 55 hours over a couple of weeks with no comp time or extra pay for my employer’s biggest annual fundraiser. I had not one stitch of clean clothes. I had one day to wash everything.

I warned George’s sister that I would be coming over. She texted me to say that she entered the laundry room to find water all over the floor. I went over to investigate. The yard and house were especially unkempt. It was gross. We ran a rinse and spin cycle and watched as the toilet bubbled when the water drained from the washing machine. “Does it always do that?” I asked her. “I don’t know,” she said. Within seconds the toilet began to vomit its overflow all over the floor.

“Well, it’s not the washing machine. It’s a plumbing problem,” I told her as she threw towels on the floor. “When you wash those towels, put it on the sanitize setting. (The washer has a setting that heats the water hotter than the water heater, sanitizing your items. It’s the coolest thing ever.)

I walked out, frustrated, brushing aside the weeds and bushes of George’s front yard.

I gotta get that washer and dryer out of here, I thought. I texted Liz who was in New York, asking if I could use her machines. I got home and sat down at my computer and wrote on facebook, “Top of line washer and dryer needs good home,” explaining my conditions.

“hmm, Really?” Pumpkin Patch replied immediately.

He had been annoyingly liking and commenting on my statuses. Every time I posted something, the first notification I got was “Pumpkin Patch likes this.” Mother fucker. It felt like he was playing with me. Playing with my emotions. I was a limp little mouse in his paws, trying to run away as he nonchalantly pulled me back just enough to hurt me a little more.

“Yes.” I replied.

“I have hook-ups but they’re on the patio.” he wrote.

Oh, hell, no, I thought. What the fuck is this boy thinking. I picked up my phone and texted him.


“Homie,” he replied.

“I can’t have my washer and dryer at your apartment. Come on, man.”

“Well, ok.” he timidly answered.

“Yeah, goofball.”

“I wasn’t trying to be weird. Sorry. Just wasn’t thinking.”

What was he thinking? Did he want an excuse for me to be in his apartment? Did he care that I could be coming over on a Saturday morning to find him having coffee with his latest Tinder match?

What the fuck Pumpkin Patch? What. The. Fuck?


I need a new home for my washer and dryer.

And a new crush to get this one out of my head.


From → Rantings

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