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……..and scene (Mr. Houston Part Go Fuck Yourself)

March 24, 2016

It happened again. I should’ve seen it coming. It’s my fault. I knew he was from Houston. I knew he was 35. But we connected so strongly and he drove all the way over here to meet me. Am I stupid to think that there could have been a possibility of a relationship?

I talked to Mr. Houston for a long time last night. I’ll give points for honesty and practicality. At least he’s not stringing me along too long. He’s not setting me up for a bigger heartbreak.

He thinks I’m great. I’m a wonderful person. Smart, kind, beautiful inside and out. He loves being in my presence. He wants me to be a part of his life. He believes that I came into his life for a reason.

How nice for him. How nice for me.


A long distance relationship between Houston and Lafayette is impractical. It won’t work. And he’s getting older. He might want to have a child. He has to think about that.

Of course. Perfect. Another unavailable man. A great, cool, smart, kind man. A man I saw something special in. A man I thought could be good for me. I watched him walk around my apartment and I could see him 10, 20 years later. I could see myself with him. I stood next to him, brushing my teeth as he tried to take a bath in my tub. He peed in front of me for Christ’s sake!

And he’s completely out of reach. Completely unavailable.

I quit. I mean it this time. I am NOT going to go on a single first date with anyone who is unavailable in any way ever again. I’m going to behave like Lisa Kudrow’s character in “The Switch.” I’m going to clarify upfront with each new interest. How old are you? Do you want to get married? Do you want to have children? Are you gay? Do you have a job? Are you looking for casual sex with no attachments? Can you handle me? Are you ready for someone like me?

Fuck. This is so fucking hard. I’m so fucking tired of it.

My Mr. Moon doesn’t exist. He’s a unicorn wrapped in a rainbow hidden in a riddle in a parallel universe. Is it really possible that I could find a liberal, 40-something, single, doesn’t want kids, non-religious, laid back, happy man who could put up with my crazy and even love me for it in Lafayette?

Who the fuck am I fooling?


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