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Not Going to Houston

May 3, 2016

It’s no use. I can’t pull this off. I’m too emotional to do this.

When I lost Pumpkin Patch, it took me months to shake it off. How many blogs did I write about him? And that pot-cookie inspired love letter. My God. I can’t do this again. Shut it down.

I called him “baby,” on the phone. He always protested when I called him that, saying “I’m not ‘baby.’ I’m panda boo.”

I thought he was just being cute, then I realized why he didn’t want me to call him that. It was too personal. Too much of a term of endearment. Too much like what a girlfriend might call him.

“Would you be upset if I went on a date this week?” he asked me last night.

“I don’t know. But you should go wether I’m upset or not,” I replied.

“Will you still come this weekend?” he asked.

“I honestly don’t know.” I said.

“Do you want me to tell you?” he asked.

“Yes, please.” I answered.

And that was it. That was the straw. My gut punched my heart and said, That’s enough.

The next day I asked him, “Would you be upset if I didn’t come to Houston?”

“No,” he answered. “Whatever you want to do,” followed by a happy gif of Byoncé dancing.

His reaction confirmed my decision.

“I’m not coming.” I said. He feigned sadness and asked me why. I spewed sentences about love and romance and holding back and wanting to loose my cool and wanting to fall in love and not being able to be myself and I don’t want to have my guard up and, and and…….

He said he understood. I said I understood his position.

“So what should we do,” he asked.

“I don’t know, panda boo.” I said.

But I’m not driving to Houston for someone who doesn’t value me. 

 

 

I quit. I mean it this time. (I haven’t said that before, have I?). I can’t take this dating bullshit anymore.

Mr. Moon is a myth I made up. He’s not on earth. Or at least not in Lafayette.

Maybe I should get a cat.

 

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From → Rantings

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