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The Canadian

November 28, 2016

So, this guy I met on OK Stupid is flying here to meet me for Christmas through New Year’s Day.

At least, he says he is. He sent an itinerary and everything. But after Tim, Light I don’t believe men anymore. Or I’m trying not to.

Here’s his specs:

Indian descent. Beautiful, brown skin, big dark eyes. Handsome in the pictures. A little goofy in computer-real time. Grew up in Trinidad, moved to Canada as a teenager. Used to be a professional chef. Was a soldier. Saw some shit. Is now in the insurance business. He’s smart. He’s funny. He doesn’t have kids and doesn’t want kids. He’s 43: age aprop. And he really, really likes me. (As they all do in the beginning.)

I glanced at his profile on OK Stupid in one of my moments of reverie when I like to look at all the cute men who are far, far away. Of course, he saw that I looked at his profile and struck up a conversation. He was witty and charming. We began to have long phone conversations. One of them lasting 7 hours.

On my profile I mention my impending move to Portland. He thought I was going for a visit. When I told him I was relocating there, he said, “Oh, well that makes things more interesting.” Vancouver is 5 hours away from Portland.

Then he suggested coming to Lafayette for Christmas and maybe New Year’s.

At this point, to no one’s surprise I was crushing pretty hard. The thought of someone flying all the way across the continent to meet me when Tim, Light couldn’t muster up the balls to drive an hour and a half….was both intriguing and unbelievable.

A couple of days later, he was resolved, he was coming.

Then we began video chatting. The first time, I had a bottle of wine and some chocolate cookies at my side. We had fun. He made me laugh. He quickly learned how to get me all riled up and seemed to enjoy doing so. And I was relaxed and tipsy.

The next couple of times, I started to wane in my attraction. I didn’t know what it was. I was finding flaws. My mind was beginning to make a case that this might be the connection I originally thought it was.

Was he too nice? I hate even saying that. It’s such a cliché that women don’t want the “nice guy.” Was he too eager to please? Too confident that we were going to hit it off and have a future?

Or was he too available? My trail of unavailable men spans 5 years and about 200 blogs. There is nothing preventing me from having a real relationship with this guy. The distance doesn’t phase him at all. He doesn’t want to have kids. He’s only 5 years younger. He’s Indian. He’s from a tropical island. He cooks. He’s funny. He’s smart. On paper, all the boxes were being checked.

So, why was I pulling back?

The truth is I’m terrified of anything working out. I don’t really know how to have a healthy relationship. I don’t know if I’m ready. I don’t know if I can equal his confidence.

But, I’m going to give it a try. I will go to New Orleans and pick him up on the 23rd. We will go to Café du Monde and have beignets and coffee and piddle around the quarter. By the time we get to Lafayette I’ll know whether there are sparks or not. If not, I’m going to have a long week ahead of me.

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