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Can’t Write

June 7, 2017

First I was too busy to write. My daughter had her baby. Beautiful baby boy. I was so caught up with helping her and entranced in the beauty and wonder of his little face, that I couldn’t find a few minutes to write all about it.

Then the monster hit. It’s about time, really. I can’t even find the words right now. Apathy. Sadness. Despair. I want to hide under a rock where no one can see me and doesn’t care where I am.

The weight of not having my own space is heavy.

Mr. Canada hasn’t been exposed to this yet. I don’t think he understands. He said he would come here if I asked him too. He doesn’t understand that the very condition that would make me need him is the same that would prevent me from ever asking him to come here.

I’m not sure he gets it. If he thinks I need help, I think he should just come without being asked. I don’t know if he could handle this anyway. I don’t know if I want to be this Marie in front of him.

I started seeing a therapist. She wants me to write down my mood ever day. I’m seeing her again Friday. Maybe that will help.

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From → Rantings

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